Meetings and Maids

I just ended my Coaching Call with Chinrinee, and I must say, she is an amazing woman who has had an amazing week!

She talked to me about an experience she had while she was facilitating a training for staff. One man shared his story about the difficulty he has had with work. Chinrinee described the meeting circle. Nobody could talk, each person was quiet, and she could feel the energy of the collective wisdom. As a result of that experience, the employee knew he would be able to make the right decision, and where at first he thought his boss was wrong, now was able to consider new and different answers.

And then she got a call from her maid, who was apparently out of control emotionally, and accusing her kids of wrongdoing. Incredibly, Chinrinee was able to suspend any response and judgement, and just collect the information she was receiving, while she was away from her chuildren, and not in any real position to act. Once she got back home, she was able to talk to her children and her maid, and an understanding was reached, and apologies were made by her children.

Gratefully, the Maid resigned, but there were no bad feelings, or any sort of anger between any the parties. It's wonderful to read about so many theories and strategies, but it is a wonderful opportunity for me, when I am able to meet and talk with someone who is able to apply what we are learning, and do it successfully and with grace.

Jo Ann

Front porch meditation

This week's coaching session with Marc was a lot of fun for me. It's been a while since we last spoke, so it was nice to visit. I shared my 15 minutes in nature, talked about what it meant to me, and how it was, overall, a very pleasant experience, and one I should be more in a habit of practicing.

I let Marc know that my winter semester could not count toward my degree, and so my plans for spring graduation had to be put on hold. I apologized after I said it, not knowing where I was going with the thought, and then it hit me. While I was on the porch, I was struck by a feeling that I was exactly where I needed to be, and doing what I needed to get done. There was less of a feeling of anger, (I mean really, $1,000. and the month of January, plus, plus, all for naught), and more of an understanding that I need to spend the summer here in Freedom, and have some trust in a reason.

Currently, I have a very knowlegeable superviser for my ABA studies. I believe that it will benefit me to get as much experience as I can from him before I take off for my adventure.
Marc asked me where and what I plan on doing, and I explained that I am leaving that completely open. I don't want my history and experience to exclude me from any possibillities that I might not be considering.

And as a bonus, Marc let me unload some of my angst in regard to the final project, as well as some routine work complaints.

I am looking forward to next week.
Jo Ann

Front Porch Sitting

What a great assignment for this week! At first, it seemed daunting to say the least, to ask, "Who is myself", and where in the day was I going to find those 15 minutes?

So after I set the stove timer, grabbed a blanket and went outside, I remembered that sitting on the front porch was at one time a nightly ritual. When did I stop taking these few minutes to sit and be with myself and all those nighttime noises? It still amazes me how the longer I sit, the louder it gets.

I know this is information for my Coaching Session, but I just wanted to share how nice it was, and how after I was able to sit, answers and ideas began to flow, and when the timer went off, I was wishing that I hadn't set it.

First too high, then too low

This week was exceptionally difficult for me. I spent much of the week being angry and upset, for reasons not related to this course. That being said, I wanted to spend a little time to process this most recent coaching session with Marc before I responded.

For me, this week's session was very productive. My challenge was to suspend judgement and have a conversation with someone I have had difficulty speaking with. My previous ABA Superviser fit that bill. To describe him as being abrupt is to put it mildly, and since a new superviser was hired, any interactions have been negligible. He put in his notice, and since this was his last week, I thought this assignment would be the ideal opportunity to ask him about our previous supervision experience. I was wrong! My attempt at a conversation was extremely brief and for me, disappointing.

After talking with Marc, I realized that just because my expectations were changing, and I was modifying my behavior, it was unrealistic to expect someone else to simply follow suit. A strategy that might have encouraged a conversation would be to first explain to the person exactly what I was attempting, the purpose of the conversation, and what I would like to see as a result.

My second attempt had similar but opposite results. I had a polite conversation with a man who works in the maintenence department. Again, I think I would have been more successful if I had first explained to the person what I was attempting and why. Another barrier to my exercises in conversation was the time constraints. I'm sure my workplace is not unique in that noone has enough time to accomplish their routing tasks, never mind all the surprises and dillemmas that are a natural part of any residential facility.

I would like to extend this assignment, implement my strategies, and see if I can have a better result. The time constraint will remain a constant, but I think opening the dialogue by downloading information may nudge the discussion beyond the polite stage.
Jo Ann

Coaching with Chinrinree

I just got finished speaking with Chinrinree about this week's assignment. She described some of her work routine; Tuesday's training meetings and Friday meetings held in a circle. It was at one of the "Circle" meetings that Chinrinee was informed of bad decisions being made, without her input or consent, which have cost her company (meaning herself) a lot of money.

Of course her first response was to feel anger, but she didn't let her angry feelings control the situation. Instead, she meditated on the following morning to, "Accept the day as it is." During the meeting, she let go of her role as "Leader", and asked those in attendance, "What shall we do?".
Chinrinree talked about the quiet in the room, and then presented the same question again. She made a commitment to suspend her feelings, and to not assign blame. She told me, "Maybe my picture is not their picture" and, "I have to learn with them".

I think it is nothing short of amazing that Chinrinee was able to set aside her personal feelings of loss, and most likely some feelings of betrayal, in order to become one with her team of staff, and to actively problem solve and learn.

Empathic Listening

While reading this week's assignment, I couldn't help but to think of my last Coaching Call with Chinrinee. When she told me about taking an employee, (who had been found sleeping on the job- several times) out for coffee, and be present for that person and simply listen, was I believe the epitome of empathic listening.

As part of this experience, "Cathartic communication" (Steil) was a large part of the 2 1/2 hours. Chinrinee spoke of the employee crying with frustrations, few of which were work related. After reading the article, it became clear that in order for the employee to begin to discuss the work-related issues, there needed to be this purging of emotion.

Beyond Ironman

I sat down tonight wondering what I had to say about this week's reading's and subsequent discussions. Then I opened an e-mail, which turned out to be a Blog, which I consider now to be a gift.

Also, I'm trying to figure out if there is a final project here also.

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.
Jo Ann

Message received via Triathlon Club Member

Monday, March 8, 2010

Beyond the “IRONMAN”
Initially I was going to BLOG about my 2009 IRONMAN experience, but as I ran yesterday, on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon for 20.2 Miles (man was not made to run that far…at least not this man…haha) in prep for my upcoming marathon, I realized a state beyond the IRONMAN.I have felt and witnessed this experience before, but only now have reflected on it…the powers of writing a BLOG…who knew. The experience is a timeless event that transcends mere sport. It is the enjoyment of the purity and grace of athleticism. No thinking, emotionless and natural.Last year I believed that it was the journey that counts and not the end goal…well today I believe its simpler than that…it’s the moment that counts.The moment is you disappearing into existence… you are one with the wind and the sun. Time doesn’t exist, goals don’t matter, pace is irrelevant, and sport and body mechanics flow like water through a clenched fist…smooth, flowing , uncatchable yet tangible.I’d like to share two of similar experiences I had.The first time I experienced this was when I was out in the Cascade Range in Oregon and a few of my friends and I decided we were going to run up and down the “Three Sisters” three volcanic peaks each 10,000 feet plus elevation. I was in the best shape of my life at the time, worked out 4 hours a day and ran crazy events like mud and mountain runs. My friends were also in outstanding shape. One was a pro athlete and the other two were Division I athletes from Stanford University. One morning we assaulted the North Sister. It is the most dangerous of the Three Sisters, due to its level of erosion, and thus rock is unstable at the top. Every three steps up is two steps down, due to the sliding of the rock. About 500 feet from the pinnacle, I was very proud of myself after leaving my friends in the dust up the face. My legs were cramping and I was feeling the early stages of dehydration but that was all irrelevant because I was just about to conquer this frustrating beast of a mountain. I took one quick look at the top and was just about to make by final ditch effort before I looked down the face and noticed a very unassuming individual gliding up the mountain effortlessly taking pictures here and there of the horizon. I froze in wonder. My friends and I had no packs just water bottle belts and yet this man flew past them carrying full camping gear on his back. He was still 600 feet below me, and so, I redoubled my efforts and internally promised myself that this guy wouldn’t catch me. He did not even notice that I was above him. He kept on stopping to take pictures. Soon, even with all my effort, he floated by me to the peak like I was standing still and with a friendly wave continued up the peak where he disappeared over the edge. When I finally reached the summit he was there on the edge sitting drinking hot tea that he just warmed up on high powered stove. He just looked out into the vast gorgeous expanse as if nothing else existed. My stumbling and heavy breath rudely knocked him out of his moment but he did not fret at all and offered me some of his tea. He said to me “well done that is some hard work getting up that shale”. I replied, “you made it look so easy.” How do you climb so effortlessly you’re in fantastic shape? He answered “I have an unfair advantage over you… I have done this for many years… I was born on a mountain top and am a Mountain Ranger from New Zealand.” I just stared at him, unbelieving. As if reading my mind, he continued, “Friend I have learned over many years to let go of the summit and not assault the mountain, do not treat it as a conquest, be one with it and enjoy the moment.” He took a swig of his tea and got back to looking beyond the IRONMAN.Ten years later, last year June 2009, I found myself climbing another mountain this time on a bike and on the fringes of the French Alps north of Nice during IRONMAN FRANCE. I was about one third of the way done of the 112 mile bike course and had climbed about 4000’ of the total 6000’ plus elevation gain, and feeling pretty proud of the fact that I was about to conquer another mountain when a group of riders flew past me at an ungodly speeds up a very steep angle. As I challenged myself to stay above 10mph, the riders easily glided up the mountain at 20 plus MPH without breaking a sweat. Their bikes were no high-end tri bikes… just a simple aluminum frame cheapos. They had no water bottles and carried packs on their backs. They were soon out of sight. They all had the same look and aspect of the mountain ranger that I met and I couldn’t help but reflect on that moment in Oregon. At the end of the race, I spotted some of the riders back in the transition area in Nice, and I asked how they climbed that mountain so fast and effortlessly. They responded matter of factly Spanish accents and easy smiles on their faces, “What mountain…That?” they pointed to the Alps, “… we rode there since we were kids.” They continued “To you it’s a mountain…to us it’s our home.”As I look back now, it is those moments that are the true definition of pure athleticism. It’s got nothing to do with pace, times or rankings. It’s got everything to do with the now and the moment. It is natural. It is beyond the IRONMAN.Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you should not set goals, work on pace, form and time. What I am suggesting is that once a week you leave the watch, the goals, the time and the ego at home and travel beyond the IRONMAN. There you will find your true self. There you will find nature.Written byUMAN
Posted by Granite State Triathlon Club at 5:31 PM

Catching up

Tonight I was coach to Chinrinee, and we talked about the Four Player Model. Typically, Chinrinee is a Mover. In her job, she is a Teacher/Trainer, so she has become comfortable in moving things along. This past week she challenged herself to take on the role of Bystander. In order to show an employee that she was truly listening, she went with that person to a coffee shop, away from work. (I love the strategy, and I plan on using it myself.) She allowed the employee to talk about personal issues that wouldn't normally be discussed at the office. After
2 1/2 hours, a more personal relationship was established, and the employee is able to come to work and feel better about the job.

We also discussed the importance of silence. It was a great gift given by Chinrinee to sit quietly and listen. So often we feel obliged to fill in the quiet, when we are learning how healing and powerful silence is.

I've been on a sharp learning curve with the technology that is such a big piece of this course. I've been trying to figure out this whole Blog thing. The other day I was clicking on something, and Blogs of people I don't know were popping-up, and I felt like I was intruding in some one's life.

That said, I understand that the blog is a journal. I'm sure I have journaled on the discussion page, and discussed on the Blog. For that, I apologize, and will try to improve upon.

Now about meditation. I need to disagree with Rinpoche when he writes in his "Meditation Instruction" that we need, ". . . simply to sit". I do agree though that meditation can be defined as, "Taming our mind" (Rinpoche). I practice meditation daily, while I am working out. Before getting hurt in November, I would run distances, and it was a big part of my life. While running, I am able to spend the first few miles focusing on my physical self; Body awareness and just getting the kinks out. After that, I would sort out issues, problems, the upcoming day's agenda. Following that, I would experience an incredible feeling of well-being, that despite any issues or problems, everything would be O.K. Finally, after running some distance, answers and ideas would come to mind. This would happen without any conscious forethought. Just great ideas happening at random.

Since November, I've had to re-invent my running meditation. Currently, it includes an I-Pod and Cardio machines at the gym. The change of environment, from the great outdoors to the small room I'm forced to share, has been a challenge. The good stuff still happens, but less frequently.

On another note entirely, when I taught Special Ed. High School Science, I used meditation as a tool to change the behavior of my students, as well as myself. Whenever the room was getting loud, or there was a student in need of some redirection, I would sit down, close my eyes, touch my thumbs to my middle fingers, and if was particularly loud, whisper, "Serenity now". Yes, a Seinfeld quote. The students knew that when I did this, they need to change something about their own behavior. Also, responding with silence was a powerful tool with these adolescents.

Some thoughts

I'm reading about "Reflective Dialogue", waiting for Chinrinee to call, and thinking more about our first session. I was, (and still am) concerned about not understanding, or misunderstanding, some of what was said. Then I started thinking that it could be a benefit for me, almost a forced lesson on listening. Chinrinee's beautiful accent can be hard for me to understand, so I have the opportunity to listen as hard as I can, and truly focus on what she is saying.

The language used in this course is difficult for me. I can't imagine attempting this in a second language. I'll have to ask Chinrinree about my NE accent, and if she has a similar experience.

Getting back to the lecture, I was thinking about different ways in which we could slow down the dialogue, and evoke listening. It might be a good experiment to ask everyone to write their comments and contributions to meetings on paper, or on the Whiteboard, for all to see. It would provide a permanence that we miss by speaking, as well as provide accountability.

Tonight was a night of firsts. I had my first coaching session using Skype and had my first conversation with Chinrinee in Thailand. Pretty amazing.

I asked Chinrinee about her educational experience. She told me that she was a , "lifelong learner", and that her education has taught her to, ". . . deal with uncertainties" and to ". . . have confidence". I must admit, I did have some difficulty understanding all of what was being said, and I found myself taking lots of notes, and staying very focused on what Chinrinee was saying.

Over the past 9 years, she has been working as an executive in Health Management and Administration. She said that it was challenging for her to start her journey as a student, and to have this new view. Finally, Chinrinree identified three goals, to facilitate learning, to keep learning herself, and to help others to learn.

If I'm incorrect in anything I wrote, Chinrinee, please fell very free to correct me. I am in awe that I can click on my computer and talk with a woman on the other side of the world, just on her way to work. I am looking forward to out next session on Wednesday.


by Jo Ann